The Legacy Mom Left Me

Maybe it's because she died on March 20th, now/already eight years ago, or perhaps because her birthday is March 22nd, but when March comes around I think of spring, and celebrate Mom. This year I wrote about what I inherited from her. It focuses on one aspect of my inheritance, which--as my family and friends know well--relates to the kitchen, and hosting. 

 

“I’m passing the baton to you!” my mother announces. It’s November, 1993. My second child, asleep in my arms, is six months old. My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter is running circles around us in my parents’ home.  Mom, in her cavalier, always-the-director way, is waving at the dining room table. She’s talking about my taking over Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners, as well as all other large family gatherings for which cooking is required. Though we’re five kids in our blended family,  I am my mother’s oldest, and the closest geographically. We’re staying with my parents until we find a rental not too far away. 

A knot in my stomach prevents me from objecting, and so I just nod, not wanting to go against my mother’s pronouncement.  Mom adds, “And make sure you prep enough in case we have extra guests!” Not having enough food is a fear that I’ve also inherited. 

I did take over those meals, starting with Thanksgiving of that year. I still have the pages from Working Mother magazine's November 1993 issue (see the image below!), and I continue to prepare some of those recipes. Now, thirty-three years and just about that many Thanksgivings later, the pages are wrinkled, taped, and stained. 

Holiday hosting has been a part of our family lore forever. Growing up, especially during the holidays and despite our lack of enthusiasm, all the kids were recruited as helpers and directed into service to set up, prep, and serve dinner for our usual 30-plus guests.  There was always a list, written in my mother’s famous script, masking-taped to our white-tiled kitchen wall.  She would update and cross out as she finished one of the tasks listed. 

Our duties ranged from setting the table and vegetable peeling and chopping,  to creating individual place cards with lettering and illustrations. Mom was big on guest seating arrangements. Tasks also  included passing hors d'oeuvres —caponata and crackers, or warm cheesy bites—assisting with the buffet set up, and clearing the table once guests finished their dinners. We also helped set up dessert, which usually included Mom’s Italian-style ricotta cheesecake, and pignoli cookies served with espresso. 

One sister, five years older than I, was given the privilege of reviewing Mom’s list along with her, and sitting next to Dad at the table.  My older brother, the oldest of all of us, was also given a seat with the grown-ups. My two younger siblings and I were at the children’s table for years. Mom primarily directed her commands to us younger ones, and spoke in requests to the older ones. At the kids’ table, we rolled our eyes and nudged each other in united jealousy.  

Perhaps because I bristled so at the bossiness of my mom, that part of entertaining I didn’t inherit. At least I don’t think so, though you might want to ask my husband and kids!  But for decades now, I’ve enjoyed my inheritance of hosting. I love planning a guest list, bringing friends together, designing a menu that includes drinks, appetizers, dinner, and dessert,  writing my shopping and prep list, setting the table, creating the environment, and making a playlist.    

My husband and I live in an apartment now. Our sit-down dinner parties no longer have the 30-plus guests of days gone by. However, my system remains. Menus are typed, printed, and saved for reference. Lists are also typed into my computer, and, like my mom, I enjoy crossing out items as I complete them. 

As I type just now, my son texts me, 

“I’m making salmon tonight. I want to make that sauce you make with dill, Grandma Sonia’s recipe.” 

I look through her old recipe notes, on index cards in a file box that I keep in a drawer near my cookbooks. I rifle through all the recipes and find this one, handwritten by my mom. I photograph it and send it to my son, and then follow up with a text.  

“You might want to double this," I tell him, "you know, in case some others come by.” 

 

Mom and Dad with an Angel :)

1993 Working Mother Recipes--and Some of My Menus!

The Table--From Our House

Buffet --All Set 

All Clear

 

 

The Day of And a Few Days Later

“Well, it’s like this all the time in New Delhi!” an older woman said to me last Wednesday, in Midtown Manhattan, waiting at the crosswalk. I had noticed her cane, her stance, and her lean on the mailbox prior to the change of the walk sign at the cross walk, and so I had asked her if she was okay. She said she was, and, in typical NYC fashion, that was the end of our exchange. The light turned green, and we separated.   

This was on the day that NYC was blanketed in sepia, the day the wildfire smoke hit the city. Dazed and masked, people twirled, phones in hand, recording and marveling at the scene. Words like “apocalyptic, smoky, orange,” echoed through the throngs on Fifth Avenue.

Fast forward to three days later. The sky is blue, the air seems fresh, and yes, it appears to be all clear—at least around here.

We are always looking for an all clear. Or, perhaps, in my case, I’m also looking for clarity—and hope I offer the same. Thinking about relationships, work, stories, and trips, I consider that all clear is synonymous with a go ahead, or that we can proceed in a positive way. I'm also equating all clear with clarity. 

The Clarity of Reflection 

I can’t help but remember a student I had at Concordia College, so many years ago. Lorenzo, from Puerto Rico, came to Concordia to play volleyball and, like many on his team, also to learn English.

At that time, I had a habit of asking my students, “Is it clear?” after explaining something in my ESL class. (Wait—maybe I still say that!)

Lorenzo frequently responded, with a grin, “As clear as mud, teacher!”

He chided me, and was often quite the jokester, but sometimes he was on target: my explanations often required a second round. I take that recognition with me, and try—whether talking to family and friends or students and teachers—to be clear. It’s a skill I’m still working on.

But back to last Wednesday, I walked up to the Museum of Modern Art, where I had decided I wanted to revisit Georgia O’Keeffe’s exhibit. I watched as people stopped in front of one work or another, saw them observe, listened to their commentary, accolades, and more.

An older bespectacled gentleman with tanned skin, a white beard, and a straw fedora, came to a full stop in front of “Evening Star.”  He stood, hands behind his back, and gazed, deeply at one painting, and then the others in that series.   

From Georgia O'Keeffe--One of the Many Currently at MOMA 

I wanted to ask him what he was thinking when he looked at them.  Was a meaning clear to him?  What was clear to him?

But he moved on as a young couple with a toddler moved in front. 

As I continued to walk around the museum, my thoughts of clarity continued. I considered how clarity comes in different realms: art, communication, movement, music, and another one of my favorites, flavors.

Recently I found clarity in a dish I made: Crispy Lemon Chicken Cutlets with Salmoriglio Sauce

Since it was quite well received,  I decided to explore variations on the theme. A few nights later, I made pork chops with an orange sauce that somewhat emulated the previously-made lemon-infused dish. The result? Another sunny, and tasty citrus-themed plate (served this time with broccoli and wine-caramelized onions, and roast potatoes). 

 Crispy Lemon Chicken Cutlets with Salmoriglio Sauce

Crispy Pork Chops with a Fresh Orange Sauce

I enjoy clarity of flavor as much as I enjoy clarity of explanations, communication, and more. I find clarity when I run, when I cook, when I dance, when I draw, and when I write. 

Today as I ponder the message of all clear and clarity, I think of the bold, dazzling colors of nature that boast their individuality, yet work and grow together. 

 

And Just Like That, It's Soup time in December

     I don’t mind when the sun paints my face, with thick broad gentle strokes, forcing me to recognize it, which I do.  It reminds me that I should focus on the now, the present.

     At this very moment, it’s all about today. Focusing on the elements around—the feelings, paired with sounds, sights and smells, has a balancing effect. My mind is racing elsewhere: thinking of the books I’m listening to, the wonderful big band music I saw and heard on Friday night, the headlines slapped across this morning’s newspaper, the dinner I will make tonight, the work I need to do, the nostalgia for family no longer here, one that profoundly infuses me this time of year. The elements, and the rhythm of my feet below, ground me and push me forward as I run.

     My mind goes back, as it so often does, to the recipes. The weather’s chill has me thinking of soup. And though I could rifle through my collection of saved NYT cooking recipes, or the many books that I still have (even after unloading hundreds haver the move!), I am set on one: carrot soup from Moosewood Cookbook. 

     And this is what brings my after-run steps to my book shelf, and right over to one cookbook in particular, to a page I have marked from long ago.

     

     Moosewood Cookbook, the original, was one of my first on-my-own cookbooks.What I mean by that is that I always had my mom’s recipes, yet I searched for those recipes I could adopt and call my own. Moosewood, at the time, was my great resource. 

    Moosewood was also the first cookbook I ever endeavored making just about everything from. The book itself, now decades later—food stained and a bit unsteady in keeping all the pages together— represents a period of time, my twenties, when I expressed a lot of my independence and creative energy through food. (Wait, am I still doing that?!) 

     This carrot soup offers the balance of two flavors I love combining:  sweet and salty. But as I sit to write this blog, I recognize that you might not share my passion for cooking. Still, I’m guessing you probably share my joy of eating.  It’s funny how when I teach, I touch on the topic of food and almost all my students have a positive reaction; though they are still struggling with English, their second, third, and even fourth language, food remains a first language. They wax nostalgic about their grandma’s cooking, dishes that say “home” to them. Food is their common ground…our common ground. This is why I still say if we could just all sit down and share a meal, we might have peace in this world.

       In the meantime, now and in the next year, I will continue my ever-expanding exploration of dishes (so many recipes, so little time!), as well as travelling, dancing, reading, writing, teaching, and of course enjoying the many meals I look forward to composing, creating, and consuming with family and friends. 

     With these thoughts, and this note, I wish you and yours lots of peace, and many many delicious soups and other dishes with loved ones during this holiday season, and in the year to come.

      

Carrot Soup Garnished with Roasted Apple, Toasted Almonds, and Parsley